WHAT IS EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM AND WHY IT NEVER WORK?

BY DEORAO K.

Perfectionism is not an uncommon entity in every sector. You will find perfectionists everywhere. Emotional perfectionism is like perfectionism only just a little bit different. You can say emotional perfectionism is a subcategory of perfectionism.

As it can be affecting your productivity and mental health. Emotional Intelligence is work considering and taking care of.

Now you must be wondering what is this emotional perfectionism thing? Because every one of us has heard a lot about perfectionism till today but this emotional perfectionism thing may be new to many of us.

Excited? Let’s dive deep,

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM?

Emotional perfectionism is nothing but an obsession to do everything with perfection so as to avoid criticism.

For example, if I am a painter, I want every painting and picture-perfect or if I am an actor I want my every act perfect, or if I am working in the office, I want every single work or project to be perfect.

This obsession and compulsion comes from extreme fear of criticism and judging by other people. These types of people are highly neurotic and feel insulted and shameful if someone criticizes them for their mistakes and wrongdoings.

That is why they obsess for perfect work and by any chance, they fail or made some mistake they feel insulted, hurt and extreme shame.

If some mistake happens, they start worrying even after small and negligible mistakes. Though they know from inside that this mistake is not significant and someone may not scold you on that, still they feel anxious and panicked.

In extreme cases, they may also feel anxious about the mistakes that may or may not happen in the future.

WHAT LEADS PEOPLE TO EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM?

Generally, these people have low emotional intelligence. That means they are sensitive and emotional. It is nothing but a more neurotic form of perfectionism.

Because people with low emotional intelligence overthink everything, they have an emotional defensive wall in their mind. They don’t want people to pick a finger on them or scold them for any mistake they have committed. If someone does that they feel extremely shameful and feel like looser.

Even on several occasions, they overthink the mistakes that might happen in the future. 

This fear of mistakes or fear of failure activates the emotional perfectionism in their mind and people start obsessing for perfection. After some time it becomes a subconscious habit.

Emotional perfectionism will never help us to succeed with the work rather it will aggravate more mistakes.

Emotional perfectionism makes you nervous, obsessive, and defensive and you start making decisions based on emotions. The decisions based on high emotions are often turned out wrong which leads to more mistakes and it will start a vicious cycle. 

REASONS OF EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM?

Emotional perfectionism is nothing but insecurity. The insecurity of being insulted, getting bullied or getting belittle by others for mistakes they have committed or may commit in the future.

If someone on the planet earth points out mistakes in them even the smallest one, it activates their ego and eventually activates toxic shame in them.

Because of their emotional nature, they feel insulted and hurt by such incidents.

These types of people have an underlying ego, they may or may not be aware of it and that’s why I used the word underlying.

Such people don’t want to feel hurt in the present or in the future so they try to do everything with perfection.

In other words, it is insecurity for mistakes that could happen. Emotional perfectionism is a defensive mechanism to protect the ego.

“EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM IS A LIE IF YOU THINK YOU ARE PERFECT EITHER YOU ARE GOD OR YOU ARE LYING”

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

Emotional intelligence is an umbrella term but in simple words, it is the ability to not overreacting to even the worst situations or working with a cool mind in a high-pressure situation.

Handling the situation with logic and not with emotion. In other words, managing emotions in such a way that it will not affect your decisions and work.

WHAT IS TOXIC SHAME?

Toxic shame is the feeling of extreme shame that activates when you feel hurt and insulted. This is nothing but ego.

If you feel insulted deep inside your mind, It hurt your ego. Toxic shame leads you to either anxiety or anger. Anxiety will further lead to self-blame and anger will further lead to rage.

Both anxiety or anger will lead to more mistakes. And rather than solving the problem, it aggravates more.

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IS EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM A DISEASE?

The answer to this question is ‘NO’. emotional perfectionism is not a disease it is an emotional wall of defense for the insecurity that appeared due to the strong egoistic nature.

This insecurity will easily vanish with working positively on your emotional intelligence and eventually on your emotional perfectionism. This insecurity is commonly found in nice guys and neurotic people.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE THIS INSECURITY OR NOT?

While working in the office or under anyone, If you continuously overthink about making things perfectly so that no one should pick a finger on you.

Or You feel anxious and your heart starts pounding with the thought of mistakes that might happen in the future, Because of that you try hard not to make mistakes. Then you could have insecurity called emotional perfectionism.

It is ‘ok’ up to some extent but if you are obsessive about it then it’s not ‘ok’. On a scale of 1-10 if it is more than 7 then you need to work on it.

HOW TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL PERFECTIONISM?

As we know these people are strongly egoistic. Firstly, you have to find out whether you have an underlying ego or not. If what is written above is resonate with you that means you have an ego. 

Accept that it is ok if someone pointed out your mistake. Think that it is your chance to improve your mistakes and no need to feel insulted or feel hurt. Work on your ego.

The ego never helped anyone rather ego create problems and more insecurities. Don’t bring your ego everywhere.

You don’t have to feel shameful if you made any mistake while working anywhere in life. It is the commonest thing that could happen in day-to-day life.

Even the so-called smartest people commit tons of mistakes, that is normal. There is a saying, “The person who never committed any mistake in life either, he is a god or he is lying.” Learn to raise your emotional intelligence by thinking more logically and not emotionally.

IS PERFECTIONISM REALLY EXISTED?

Again answer is no. perfectionism is a lie. You don’t have to stress yourself doing everything perfectly. Just accept that no one is perfect In life.

Accept your flows if you have any and take your mistakes as learning opportunities. but be brutally honest with your work and be honest with yourself.